Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Pretentiously happy

Everyday coming back home I put a little smile on the face.. It's either in response to my surrounding nature or the resounding status of me living a life. In any case, I do occasionally dreaming of someone in sexily mode waiting for me at home... hahaha  

Do me !! Spank me babeh!!!
Funny to think in such manner knowingly enough it is just a wishful thinking of too good to be true~!

How I wished to have you cuddling in my arms

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Walking wounded

By definition in dictionary it means;
  1. Casualties, as of a military conflict, who are wounded but ambulatory.  
  2. Persons who have been damaged or defeated psychologically or emotionally by their experiences in life. 
Obviously the later definition describes the best of me I guessed. Everything happens for a reason and are always for the best of it they says.. I wonder how and what actually. Damaged goods + feeling lost + disillusioned ?

One thing for sure, I'm the casualties of my own chosen disillusioned life and some have become my collateral damage especially those who is dearly to me. 
So, then.. What to expect from a walking wounded?

Anyway, somehow or rather there is this poetry I found that relates to my own.
the walking wounded are among you.
Our abused hearts limping along
undetected by those around us.
Burdened by the weight of hate
held for those who hurt us.
Toiling under this awful,
lonely pain,
we occasionally meet a healer
a mentor
a friend
who shows us that the hate we carry
is more harmful to the hater
than the hated
and that forgiving is not forgetting.
The scarred heart can beat freer
having dropped the useless load
making rest restful and life easier.
Do they know the value of the gift they give

Beaten up and walking wounded but not walking dead zombie just yet.
Hopeful still I am, mistaken will not be again.

Friday, 27 July 2012

Pounding heart and troubled mind

I don't feel good today. My heart is pounding hard and fast. Close to an anxiety attack I could say. Is something bad going to happen to me today? I know I've made some mistakes in the last few days and maybe this is why it's happening to me. Maybe I just couldn't cope with the anxiety pressure or more?

I know I have done so much of wrongs and mistakes, all I need is a calm heart and a focus mind. I am trying hard maybe not hard enough just yet, but nonetheless trying hard is still a try don't it ? I try so hard to make things better for myself and be a good person in life and to others too.

Dear God, The Great Merciful One. I pray for you to take this away. I need help! Please give me a peaceful mind and at heart as well. Please let the heart soothes and calm through this trying times. My pending at work is much of a concern now and I need all the help I could get from You. Have mercy on me please. I pray for Your Mercy and Kindness and Guidance. Ameen.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Gonna enjoy a good slumber

Can't wait for my first ever bought L-shape leather sofa to be delivered this evening. This would be my so-called temporary stop gap satisfaction of more to come I hope. hehe

More and more time for me to fully enjoy and appreciates a good comfortable slumber while watching movies and sorts. I have earned this thru good difficulties and hardship. I will share my joy with others too if permissible.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Another date.. another day...

Supposedly today - July 24th means something real dearie and special to me. Exactly 8 years ago I thought I'm the most lucky man alive to be bonded forever to grow old together. Boy... how I was wrong!!!! I've been deceived for one last time. 

And today it is just a another number, another date, another day that has become meaningless to be remembered by. The date is becoming so ordinary and nothing worth to be celebrated about. It is all as per my recent realization is a big sham now. Wasted it good and wasted it big time!

Now, I must go on... go on with what ever is left of me and the rest of my mundane life. I have held my end to date and I'm very proud of it. 

Goodbye old life. I dare not seeing you anymore in my new profound life ventures.

If I can just turn back time ......

Oh Monday !

I felt so lazy yesterday... very unproductive kind of the day. Made it worst by fasting at work is a bit too much for now. Hope of getting better after few days.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Strive at what cost ?

It came into light a question that should be posted.
I'm striving in this life to make a life worth living. In order achieving certain goals and objectives set, I must do and be willing to amend some values and believes. But then to strive at what cost?
Anything that worth striving for, must it comes at a cost of something? Why? How do one quantify the cost? What can be expected if without? How could I relate to those cost? Minimizing the cost? Can one bare to suffer the cost?

All I know that, I on my part have paid some terrible cost for what I'm striving for. And it is has been killing me on the inside. It has killed what I have built and fought for.

What went wrong there? Was it my method dictates it or my tenacity in holding the damned fort? I am for one have never abandoned in what I believe for. So, what differentiates me from the rest who is doing like I am but never really much in paying a terrible cost? Moreover, much rewarding it was to some other people. Talking about fairness, my ass....

Come next maybe is our way of tackling things and managing it to our will and comprehensions. Flexibility is the key maybe. Either it is to our likings or not, we still have to deal with it. No choice be given. It is a problem for everyone to ponder. Some do give in and some do not. They are some can't make up their mind to which to do...

Am I trapped in my own doings? ... And I thought all this while that my life is simply simple-dimple, merry-dory all the way. Of course with some little obstacle, trials here and there along the way but never have I anticipated before it could get this ever worse. Or is there much more worst as in grandiose worst than the current situation?

Life is simple if choose to be, but it is also in actual fact is not that simple. With other X factors influencing our livelihood and our mindful thinking, it is never that simple. Though it seems that simple and easy. Everything in this life has always comes in pairs. The good and the bad. The other side of the story and the other side of the coins. We must accept as it is. God has made it in such way for balance of all I supposed.

God surely gives us what we needed the most without we realizing and mostly we do not see the value of appreciating it most. There are times we are boggle to understand and comprehend what is made and gives by HIM.

In any case, I will keep pondering and wondering the answer. I will keep it close to my heart of which the games of life I'm playing with. Damned me if I failed in those things that I'm supposed to do.

It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, I am in a borderline mood and perseverance at the stake of spiritual endeavors.

And I think the Joker have said it brilliantly the best of all.
It wasn't hard. See. Madness, as you know is like gravity. All it takes is a little push...

So... next question is, who is that would be my little push ?

Like a puzzle, trying to figure out the puzzling game and finding the right piece of the puzzle connecting linking everything until it does make sense all the way till the end of my existence.

Do note that, this is just me muzzling my opinion and thought, challenging myself, daring myself. Validating myself having a part in this world.

Be careful to what you wished for...

In remembrance of the Joker

Grimm, witty & chaotic wicked evil

After watching Dark Knight Rises and how the trilogy saga has unexpectedly rock the world in the last 8 years since it was first rebooted in 2005 as Batman Begins, I can't help to pay my tribute to the late Heath Ledger who was phenomenon as the Joker in the 2008 sequel - The Dark Knight, as the arch enemy of Batman.
Meant for together in all time

When I firstly got to know Heath Ledger was supposed to play as the Joker in the Batman Begins sequel, I was truthfully and with all honesty never thought that he would be able to pull it off. I supposed no one could ever be as best as Jack Nicholson portrayal of the Joker in the 80's. But again, who am I to be thinking in that manner. Ohh myyyy.. how I was totally proven wrong then. It was clearly the director Christopher Nolan knew best of his chosen one and ended it with a shocking blast, euphorically worldwide, critically phenomenon right away after it was premiered in the summer of 2008.

Heath Ledger's wicked re-creation was undoubtedly, surprisingly, astonishingly outstanding in the surreal portrayal of the Joker. No one.. yes I mean no one around alive today would be able to replace this great young talent Heath Ledger after his untimely death. The originality, the authenticity and the wickedness was superb and rocking maximum effect through out event. The momentum of the new flair for the Joker was one of a kind. None other.

The bar has been powerfully raised up and benchmark to sky high indefinitely. The originality of the new image of the Joker was at his best yet greatest masterpiece ever. Comparatively speaking, the presentation of the Joker was so glaring in motion than to the dark knight himself!

As someone else have cleverly and beautifully put in words much much earlier in the last few years and I am just simply honored to repeating it again in simple order as follows.

The In Character:
To put it simply and mildly, this character, this villain, is a work of masterpiece and a work of genius. Designed to be one of the many villains the caped crusader did battle with, it wasn’t long before this smiling evil psychopath became Batman’s arch-nemesis and the chief pain in his ass. The reasons for this seems pretty clear, Joker just simply loves what he does. Plain and simple. This is why the Joker is the best at what he does. I don’t care how well you do something, but if you don’t love what you're doing, then you won’t be the best at it. Basically, he was the perfect villain because people loved to hate him and found him so dark and yet so much fun.

The In Persona:
For starters, his whole work up was a touch of genius. By adopting the whole insane clown thing, he combined the macabre with the innocent which pretty much made him the stuff of nightmares. He killed, he maimed, and he tortured people sadistically, but he always did it with a smile and a joke. He could be insane, yes, but he could also be chaotically brilliant and cunning. His method was madness, but concealed behind a sort of playful, laughable exterior. This was in stark contrast to Batman’s tough and cold exterior and the permanent scowl he had etched on his face.

As such, he was the perfect foil for Batman’s particular brand of heroism and social control. Whereas the dark knight was obsessed with order and control, the Joker was malevolence and disorder personified. In a way, he played Lucifer to Batman’s God, messing with his designs and subverting his sense of order. And, like Lucifer, he knew how to turn the tables and get people to do his bidding. And whereas God never smiled, he could be counted on to see the fun side of things. Assuming he wasn’t killing or maiming you!

In my other word, besides all the antiques of madness and menace of the Joker persona there were also many catchy lines spoken in manners that were so very captivating and memorable still played around by the devilish yet menacing chaotic psychopath Joker. All in, the rebooted of the Joker by Heath Ledger was definitely the mark for many years and generations. Real epic one that was.

And lastly, the best of all would be...

Unfortunately, we won't be seeing anymore of the great masterpiece of chaotic evil-madness presentation by the Joker and Heath Ledger for ever never and will be surely, sorely, deeply missed by us - the die hard fans and audiences.

The irony after all, it was the Joker that's ultimately having the last laugh when he is eternally gone! As we all the living minions craving for more and more of his wicked actions on screen.

Certainly is wittily laughing all the way to his high heaven or down right hell hole where he'd be in any case he may be. Rest in Peace "Sir" Joker.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Dark Knight Rises Rocks!

As awesome as the Avengers is, Dark Knight Rises is rocking in an entirely different, gritty, dramatic way. The nearly 3-hour movie is without doubt at its best considering the news of Nolan's decision that this would be the last of his epic franchise. The storyline filmed is more darker and more edgier than any of its tale. Moreover, the films in The Dark Knight Saga are arguably the darkest adaptations of Batman to date.

So to speak the Batman's myth ends and rises. The rebooted Batman trilogy of Christopher Nolan will ends here so I made to understand. Too bad it seems he decided to close the trilogy chapter too soon as I was and still am admire his touch in making the comic legend crime buster caped crusader, the Batman an epic legendary films ever. I hope he change his mind and make the return of Christian Bale, Michael Cain, Gary Oldman and Anne Heatherway. Not to mention the possibility of future sidekick Robin by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

My absolute compliment and salute to the Nolan brothers who re-writes and made Bane as realistic as human-is bad-ass as it can be; the nemesis who finally breaks the myth of the unbeatable Batman. As nearly to the comic's storytelling, the Dark Knight Rises truly remarkable to watch with it's unpredictable storyline and plot. The movie concludes everything from its beginning and to its end with overall storyline related to each other of Batman Begins and Dark Knight. Each character role and storyline grows and expands as the movie runs with plot thickens in every minute of the movie. It seems not enough to end it like this and I really hope there is a continuation after all.

The movie is definitely much dreaded, darker and much bigger obviously with bigger plot, bigger foe - Bane as the ultimate brute force villain, bigger machines and weaponry - the big boom bang and lastly, the bigger wider deeper scores of character built up and bigger in life of superhero dreaded livelihood.


The gist of Batman trilogy is and has always been the other factor relentlessly. The one and only, The League of Shadow - the Ra's Al Ghul persona in retrospect is the catalyst of all chaos in Gotham city and the life of Batman. Although after his death in the first installment, the super villain as his he was, Ra's Al Ghul reputation still comes back haunting and tormenting Batman and Gotham city through his kin - Talia Al Ghul who slips in as the unsuspected brilliant businesswomen disguised in name of Miranda Tate, who later to become the top executive of Wayne Enterprise business in which Bruce himself was duped into believing her and of course all along Talia with the help of her lover - Bane, the Ra's Al Ghul's banished disciple, the outcast one which gives Gotham a hellish revolution and chaos.

As I normally expected, it is not just about all Batman and Bane only while with Catwomen once awhile kicking into the scene, it is also a movie of one particular character growth for the future development of Robin in a splinter move later maybe. The movie ends with the possible notion of an upcoming Batman's sidekick - Robin.

Overall, the movie Dark Knight Rises is undeniably the best for this summer together with Avengers. Wonder if the Marvel's of 6 Avengers of Nick Fury marvelous superheroes would be beaten by the crime-buster caped crusader Batman - Dark Knight epic's at the end of the summer.

Enough said, I will definitely and undoubtedly be going to catch another round of Dark Knight Rises later afterward, tomorrow and the day after till I had enough of it maybe. It is the best of the best of the rebooted Batman trilogy with the so-called epic ending.

Friday, 20 July 2012

The coming of the holy month

The month of Ramadan 1433H has come again. I wished to do better this time around. Naturally as my wishes to every year, I should and need to do better as I have been neglecting my discipline in fulfilling my religious duty and believes in the past. I pray that God may grant me with all the much needed strength and will power to be triumphant in this blessed month.

Speak No Evil, See No Evil, Hear No Evil

May the month of blessed Ramadan Al-Mubarak would cleansed my mind, body and soul.  

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Used to be...

Used to be an overwhelming Thursday night.
In any normal days that I used to get some time ago, for every Thursday comes I would make a point to come back home early. I just loved doing it because I know on this particular day, I have higher expectations at night compared to the rest of days in a week. I treat every Thursday night as a special night for me to look up for. I am used to pamper myself with any relations to cuddling, snuggling, nudging etc... he he he

I always felt extra warmth on most of every Thursday nights. And now the luxury notions that I am used to is no longer there for me to be mesmerized of. It has been two dreadful years for a guy like me to have been missing my expectations. So, I would just be teasing myself with those pictures below. 

I guessed I'm just full of crap! HA-HA 
Oh well, who cares btw....

An overwhelming desire and craving for intimacy surely I am.