Many months has gone idly by and my heart is still grumbling deep. My heart just doesn't want go quiet. Looking calm and compose seems hard enough. Wonder what is the missing ingredient here.
As the famous Tyler Durden's philosophic rule, I have and lost everything I had. Lost A LOT! too. No kidding around I was. Literally nothing left and only with a car to ride around & slept-in for 8 months on the road. Not proud at it but it was the only property and everything in it that I have to carry on with me.
And yet, after a new profound lease of life with a home of my own, ninth floor up condo, 1200sq ft fully furnished space, 43" plasma LCD TV connected to 5MB super-fast Internet, much much lesser commitments --> I still have troubling heart & mind.
What is wrong with me?
I just want some PEACE !!!!
For my MIND & my HEART.
Get the inner peace activates a clear mind and clear conscience.
Oh God, is it so damn much to ask for?
I asked because I have let it go.
Once, I dream of being a samurai like. The serenity, the harmony and all, soothes one's heart and mind. Intriguingly, seeing the samurai devotes themselves into perfections of whatever they pursue is one rare manifestation into excellence, high discipline and becomes the way of life.
Long I have pondered, how to get the silent coolness of the heart as the saying goes "calm as the cat" and the grumbled-free tranquil mind ?
In what manner that might be?
How much more I have to endure?
Days? Months? Years? or Forever...?
I need answers.
I need psychological breakthrough.
I need a life. A balance one. A worth living for.
For better or worse, I'll go through without hesitation whatsoever.
|It does a lot of good ...|