Wednesday, 4 July 2012

What if..... ?

First of, let me assure you that I'm not sugarcoating anything. I pen what I feels and sees. I am not trap in a delusional mind here. Mind you ;p

I guessed when she is unable to digest certain truth about herself, it can be a mind boggling puzzle to be solved by anybody. Give it time to sink in or make way. It's a human nature not to admit certain things in life though it is right in front our eyes to see it thru. Or maybe to make it simpler, she is just being modest and shy about it. I like the later more.

It goes the same about my own - mind you. I am no different than anyone. Sometimes I do feel hard to accept the truth as it is when my mind either is not ready or messed up for it. Many things are left wondered and pondered. Or maybe I'm just being modest and shy about it too. HA-HA

For one, I'm taking a deep long walk alone to see what is good for me although I'm aware of you've been right there to pick up and make yourself available for me. Sometimes I can be such a real knee jerk and dumb-ass about it. It does take a toll and some time to realize it all.

Maybe life experiences of both have given us more perspective into or about things directly and indirectly. As it is, bad experiences that have had me being cautious unnecessarily for my unbecoming behavior subconsciously. For that I am sorry about it.

But there is always the other side of me. The lighter side. For certainty I know you are such an angelic to be with. You and your cuteness of innocence have caught my heart for it. So, for you dear I will make an exception.

There are times, I too subconsciously couldn't accept complimentary gestures right away and a bit slow in picking up senses and motives. The insensitivity in me or is it me being capable of denial? Do tell me. I need you to make me.

To what I'm mindful of, getting more nervous of rejections and refusals. Just don't like the upset and dejected no more. Maybe that was why the delayed mindfulness of me towards you. But no more of that. I will face it like a gentleman.

What matters is... I'm not up for any bad wretched things happens to you or us both. I just need to share some wealth in feelings and life. Let's.... let us slides. Let's explore life as we see fit if you don't mind. Let's get serious about it shall we.?

Now, the only reasonable valid question for me to ask after all is... 

What the fuck is going on?

Only time will tell. As of now, I am fully aware of your busy schedule. Juggling time between commitments of family, career, night schools, studying for exams and friends are hard enough. Don't bother if you find this unreadable to your likings at the end.

To me, you are just like how I love to portray you - A Godsend Angel that spawned a little fire into my devilish life.

Finally, it would be just plain wrong if I selfishly kept of how I feels about you to myself only after all this while. To be fair, I know if it didn't start to all this, surely I am going to see it through.

Moral dilemma...
Depiction of Good and Evil

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